Things Are Different, But You Still Pretend: Chapter 18

by: mal

word count: 2,600+

previous chapters: on ICH or FF.net

summary: Chris and Darren’s agonizing back and fourth dance is over, and things are finally the way they should be.

warning: this chapter is completely filled with schmoopy, sickeningly-sweet and emotional smut. Nice break from the angst eh? Enjoy! (NC-17)

***

Darren didn’t want to rush this. As far as he was concerned, this was the most fragile moment of his life, and he wasn’t going to take a second for granted. But he had a feeling deep down that everything was going to be perfect. He could just tell, especially when he looked into Chris’ eyes. There was absolutely no trace of past negativeness, just pure love and no room for anything else.

When Darren laid Chris upon his bed, Chris looked absolutely terrified. Darren couldn’t blame him, so he decided right then and there to do everything in his power to make Chris comfortable and let go completely so he wouldn’t be scared anymore. Darren wanted Chris to know that he would never do anything to make Chris hurt ever again. This was a promise he could keep always.

Darren bowed his head and cried silent tears, kissing Chris slowly and meaningfully. Chris clutched to him like a lifeline, his entire body shaking. Their lips slid together, warm and loving, tongues shy and languid. Darren tears dripped onto Chris’ cheeks and Chris could taste the salt from them, trying to contain within himself everything he was feeling so he wouldn’t break down completely in Darren’s arms. Darren had never before seen Chris this vulnerable in his life, not even in high school so it changed the game entirely.

Darren undressed Chris slowly, reveling in and worshiping each inch of skin being exposed with such reverence it was as if he had never been with Chris before. Something about this felt entirely new and Chris could sense how painstakingly important it was. It hung heavy over both of them, reaching out to their darkened past and shining instead a gorgeous light anew.

Chris kept switching between squeezing his eyes shut and biting his lip to staring into the depths of Darren’s soul, as if attempting to be constantly connected through physical desire and rejoicing thought alone.

Darren could feel Chris’ heartbeat fluttering under each pulse-point he passed, so he attempted to calm Chris by tracing the tips of his fingers over his pale, glittering skin. Over his sternum, nipples, elbows to hipbones; everywhere he could reach until Chris was fully naked, his cock snug against his navel and almost completely hard.

"I love you," Darren murmured over Chris’ skin, lips memorizing each dip and curve all the way from his eyelashes down to the tips of his toes.

"I love you," he repeated again, with more emotion this time, his voice velvety and soft, filled with a promise that could never be broken again. Darren kept saying it over and over again with fervor as if it would finally sink into Chris’ pores and consume him completely with honest truth without losing its effect.

And that’s how Chris felt, keeping a steady gaze on his lover’s ministrations, his throat closing up tight with emotion with each passing second. Chris couldn’t tell if he was overwhelmed with happiness or nerves with the realization that he finally believed him.

Darren loved him.

Darren loved him just as much as Chris loved him back; the exact opposite of what Chris had been telling himself for years on end. He now knew how devastatingly wrong he was for so long, and he wasn’t even sure how to deal with it.

Chris wanted to sob, shout with joy and curl up in a ball with Darren and never leave his bed again all at the same time. He felt like he was going to explode from within, and he wasn’t sure how long he could contain himself before Darren saw how much he was actually feeling. Chris had an inkling that this was karma or kismet or some kind coming back to him for shutting himself off for so long. Everything felt amazing and everything hurt so good all at the same time, causing Chris to shake uncontrollably down to his bones. It was like a religious experience how honestly moved he was, and how every light brush of contact was nothing short of powerful.

"Shhh," Darren whispered, his touch feather light and ghosting over every part of Chris imaginable while his cheek nuzzled gently into Chris’ thigh. Darren hummed pleasurably and Chris let out a strangled sigh, feeling anxiety leave him with each exhale until finally he responded to Darren’s touch, allowing his legs to splay open invitingly.

Chris felt his heart jump to his throat, for he expected Darren to go straight to business once Chris made his earth-shattering move, but he instead just stroked Chris’ sides soothingly, his cheek burning gloriously along Chris’ pale, smooth flesh. Darren was caught up in the moment of everything that he’d rather just drag his lips down Chris’ thigh right then, his slight stubble a little scratchy but absolutely exhilarating.

Darren hitched Chris’ leg to the side, erupting goosebumps all over while he pet Chris’ skin, sending shock-waves of pleasure out to Chris’ very nerve-endings. Darren smiled with such contentedness, Chris relaxed further, Darren’s quiet hums a lulling song. Darren then pressed a soft wet kiss to the inside of Chris’ knee, surprising Chris with the intimacy and lack of ticklishness.

Darren opened his eyes, his irises like liquid gold baking on a beautiful, recently-mown lawn. Chris’ breath hitched and he almost felt like he was floating out of his body, drowning in all that was their love; all that was everything here in this moment.

"You are the most beautiful person I have ever seen," Darren informed quietly like nothing else he had ever said before mattered. "And I can’t wait to spend my life with you."

Darren’s words hung in the air for a full minute at least until just like that, all shreds of doubt disappeared from within Chris, loosening their death-grip hold in his being and floated away into space. Chris was now more eager than ever to be taken in such a way by Darren, and positively itched to begin a chapter of something entirely new. He wanted to be sure that he was going to share this with Darren and nobody else. 

Chris surged forward, frantically pulling Darren’s shirt over his head, his fingers fumbling with the buttons of Darren’s jeans. Darren’s eyes widened for a moment at Chris’ sudden frantic urgency, but then softened when a small desperate whine slipped through Chris’ lips when he pulled an almost completely naked Darren between his thighs and up onto his body for a fiery kiss.

Darren instantly responded, absently kicking his jeans off his feet while his palms cupped Chris’ face, kissing him back with just as much. They felt their cocks grow hard between them, their skin sliding in absolutely ecstasy with each slight movement molding more into each other until they were nearly one. Chris’ legs wound around Darren’s waist, pulling him closer until Darren was laying heavily on top of him, his knees digging into the mattress below as he started a slow grind.

They kept that up for a while, exerting themselves to the point where Chris had to break the kiss to pant into Darren’s mouth, while Darren held him close, pressing their foreheads together and staring meaningfully into his eyes. The slide of their sweat and pre-come made it easy for them, but Chris couldn’t help but feel astounded by the gorgeous sensation.

Of all the times he had sex with someone, it had never been quite like this. Chris never knew why he had felt so disconnected in the past whenever he went through the motions of intercourse. Even if he’d fucked countless boys and men and had felt the shallow pleasure of achieving orgasm, Chris never realized there could be so much more.

Everything has changed.

Even though he had sex with Darren once before there was more to it than getting yourself and the other off. There was more than to just jumping straight into the mechanics of it, getting right to business, because frankly there was also foreplay. The leading up, Chris found was a lot more intense than the actual carnal act. There were a wide range of emotions; but that seemed way too small to describe it.

The feeling of blissful oblivion bursting through his chest, prickling at his eyeballs. The quiet, heated desperation that came with wanting to be close to somebody so much, but wanting it to last as long as possible just to hold onto it as long as he could. It was like he discovered a whole new plane of love-making, and there was so much more for him to find.

It was above all, intimate. The way Darren’s limitless eyes pierced into his own, seeing everything and nothing all at once. The silent communication of wonder, acceptance and astonishment. Chris clutched to Darren’s biceps, trying to grasp and take hold of what was happening to him but it was almost too much. He was going to fall under like he had fallen so hard in love with this curly-haired man, and there was nothing to stop it.

"Please," Chris whispered brokenly after an immeasurable amount of time, his groin burning and stirring, begging for release. 

Darren smoothed Chris’ hair back off his forehead and flexed his ass-cheeks, grinding down once more before sitting back on his haunches, groping for the lube. It was then Chris’ heart started thumping in his chest again, but he pushed passed the nerves and hooked his leg over Darren’s shoulder as he leaned down, his fingers slick and expression anxious.

"Ready?" Darren double-checked, his voice like honey dripping off as silk scarf.

"Yes," Chris amended, nodding vigorously, digging his heel into Darren’s muscled shoulder-blade. "I love you."

Darren’s eyes shined, eyebrows drawn up and nothing but pure contentedness etched into the lines of his face. “I love you too, Chris.”

Chris played with the sparse hair under his belly-button, gulping as Darren’s eyes flickered down to his ass. Chris slid his palm down low, passed his leaking cock and pulled his cheeks apart, wanting to assist Darren in any way, knowing full well that he had never done this before.

"I’ll go slow," Darren promised.

A pleasant warmth fell over Chris as Darren lubed his fingers up even more for good measure before trailing them so light against his entrance he barely felt it. Chris exhaled shakily, concentrating on each one of his taut muscles, forcing them to un-clench. Darren pressed a little harder against his rim, circling it gently and Chris shivered.

It was then Chris recognized with resounding force that this is the way it should have been. Darren should have been his first, and he Darren’s. With further realization however, it dawned on Chris that even though they both have slept with so many other people to count, they both were technically each other’s firsts in this most important way. At least they had that to hold onto.

Chris couldn’t help but break into a slowly emerging grin and Darren leaned forward for a short, sweet kiss before returning to his ministrations. His pointer finger pressed in, Chris’ muscle giving way with some resistance and Chris hissed at the intrusion. 

"This okay?" Darren questioned softly.

"Yes," Chris insisted raggedly. "Keep going. Even though I’ve never bottomed before I’ve done this to myself."

Darren nodded understandingly, pumping his pointer finger in and out a few times before sliding in his middle alongside, pushing them in all the way up to his knuckles. 

"You feel so good," Darren groaned, relishing in the compressing heat and the rapid heartbeat of Chris’ muscles against his fingers. They twitched as Chris exhaled again, a subtle flush heating up his chest and neck. "And you look so beautiful like this."

Chris blushed further, groping for Darren’s other hand and squeezing tight. He felt like he was on emotional display. Everything was out in the open, and he had nothing to hide anymore. It was exhilarating and terrifying at the same time, but Darren’s steady, confident gaze told Chris that he had nothing to be afraid of. Not anymore. They were finally together.

Darren continued until he was up to three fingers, splaying them wide and dragging them up against Chris’ unforgiving walls until the relaxed, willingly suctioning up what Darren had to offer with each caress and pull. Chris squeezed his hand really tight, prodding Darren to let him know that he was ready more than ever.

Darren withdrew his fingers, and Chris’ gaping hole clenched around the loss, tingling and waiting in anticipation for Darren to push inside. Chris could see Darren was shaking now, his thighs rolling and muscles flexing as he coated his flushed cock generously, eyes firmly trained on what he was doing.

"Hey," Chris whispered, leaning forward and putting a finger under Darren’s chin, lifting his head. "It’s okay."

Darren blinked, his eyes glassy. “I just want this to be perfect for you.”

"It already is."

Chris leaned forward for another kiss, allowing his tongue to trace the seam of Darren’s mouth, coaxing his own tongue out to play until their lips were slick, their moans vibrating down each other’s throats with each moan swallowed.

Darren shuffled forward to his knees, lowering himself slowly on top of Chris until they were pressed tightly together, Darren’s arm still between them holding the base of his cock. He broke the kiss and took a deep shuddering breath, their faces so close that Chris could feel Darren’s eyelashes tickle against his skin.

"Okay," Darren breathed, anchoring himself or Chris, Chris wasn’t entirely sure, so Chris cupped his cheek, smoothing his thumb over his cheekbone.

"I love you so much Darren," Chris whispered, his breath puffing pleasantly over Darren’s sweaty face. "And now I need you."

Darren swooped in for another peck, nodding again and glancing down, watching himself slowly sink in passed Chris’ rim. Chris groaned, the burning incredible and so potent he couldn’t help but throw his head against the pillows, his legs winding tightly around Darren’s waist.

Chris’ back bowed the further Darren slid in, the walls of his muscles catching on Darren’s bare skin until he was fully sheathed, his hipbones digging into the sensitive, fleshy part of his ass. 

"You okay?" Darren double-checked, and Chris couldn’t help but let out a shaky laugh.

"More than okay," he responded fondly, his palms smoothing over the contours of Darren’s sinewy back, rounding around the muscle of his lower abdomen until caressing lightly where they were connected.

It was warm, slick and wet, and Chris could feel his asshole stretched and already sore around his rim, but each minute movement of Darren deep inside shot sparks of pleasure up his spine. Chris raked his fingers through the coarse hair at the base of Darren’s cock, the backs of his nails scratching up his clenching abs before Chris slung his arms around Darren’s neck, pulling him close.

"Make love to me," he begged, and Darren didn’t need telling twice.

Darren fucked Chris nice and slow like each thrust was nothing short of meaningful. He angled his hips just right so the bed didn’t creak; the majority of the movement just in their groins. Chris’ cock dragged against his navel while Darren would pull out slowly before snapping roughly forward, his cock so deep that Chris could barely breathe, especially when gazed against his prostate. 

Chris didn’t know how long they lasted, because here in Darren’s arms, with Darren inside him and connected to him in the closest way possible made time slow down and completely warp. 

In their world nothing but them existed. Not East Clovis High where their story began or the Glee set where their story ended and began anew. Not alcohol, tarnished photographs, past regrets, or future endeavors. Not even Max Enrich, Mia Swier or Joey Richter. 

It was just them.

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